Thursday

Morning has broken

My Brother hasn't moved or spoken since yesterday at 1pm.  The stillness is peaceful. After the restless, painful, scary Tuesday and into early Wednesday, I feel God's mercy.   Not as I pictured it but peaceful just the same.   I listen to his breathing now, not with fear of his last breath. I slept on the love seat restfully.  I woke up twice in the night to stillness. Just the sound of him breathing.
I thought I'd made friends with the pain of my Brother dying.  I fought it pretty hard though. My words to myself in journal form have helped, but as I reread them now I see the complicated, controlling journey I chose..
I'm a tough cookie, I've always told myself.  I don't throw my hands up.  I don't take to my pallet.  I have endurance and stamina and I don't throw pity parties. I always try to do whats right and I think of others first.  These are my conscious values.  I thought heading into this I had what I needed to be with my Brother every step of the way. I did but after much struggling I find that I need God's Grace.
I am aware now that Grace will peacefully do the rest.
I'm not throwing my hands up.  I am folding them in surrendered prayer.
Please join me.

9 comments:

  1. I am with you in spirit, hands folded. More love and hugs again for you both today. Thank you for your written words. ~karin

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  2. Thank you for this gift.
    I think he is flying right now. When he finds just the right place to land he will choose it.
    Prayers sent.

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  3. My prayers have been with you all and will continue threw these tuff days and nights.

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  4. May all our prayers intertwine to lift you up, Bruce, and bring you a soft landing into Gods' arms.

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  5. Beth, may you enjoy the light and peace of God's grace. Amen.

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  6. Thank you Beth for artculating the Assurance, Wisdom, Love and Hope from the depths of your journey with Bruce. Gifts from God, Creato and Great Spirit. You are such a wonderful messenger. May Peace be with you and all who form this loving vigil. Hallelujah and Amen!

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  7. Grace = God's redemption at Christ's expense
    Bless you Beth.
    Prayers from our church prayer warriors

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  8. I sense Bruce everywhere tonight in his precious Bootheel. The moon is big. The wind is wild. Everything changing, this morning crazy odd warmth, evocative sunrise and sunset. I think nature is connected in ways we can't imagine. Just now I envisioned Bruce leaping over Gray Mountain, joyful. Its a very strong image. Love and strength to you all.

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  9. He'll be enhancing our sunrises and sunsets for years to come.

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